Mark and her team surveyed 87 mixed-sex couples, but “many of the same ideas could apply in same sex relationships, too,” notes Mark. Each pair had been together an average of nine years and the median age was 33. For 30 days, the individuals were asked to report their level of desire and any sexual activity with their partner.
Couples who had sexual desire on one day tended to feel more desire for their partner the next day, whether or not they actually had sex. This was particularly true for men, but women tended to feel more like having sex if their partners reported desire for them on the previous day.
Mark suggests complimenting your partner’s physical appearance or whispering something sexy to them before they walk out the door for work. Sexting also counts, and it’s even been shown to strengthen relationships. Or, do something you two would normally do, like cook dinner together, but remove a few articles of clothing before you get started.
The idea is to put sex front and center, even in small ways. But also: “Don’t be afraid to schedule sex,” says Mark. “It can be the first thing to go when you’re overwhelmed or really busy, yet, connecting with your partner in that way can be helpful for mitigating some of that stress.” But that doesn’t mean sitting down together with calendars. Sending a racy sext with a date and time is a much more sensual way to get your message across and build desire at the same time.
Photo: Serge Guerand / BLAUBLUT-EDITION.COM